September 14, 2008
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Cookies, camels, and lists:
I’m one tough cookie. This I am very aware of. I’ve been through some major, major dips in my life. Sometimes I’ve had people at the edge, throwing a rope at me. Friends telling me I have to eat or I have to cry to get it out of my system. And, sometimes, I have not had people with ropes and pizza by my side, either by choice or by chance.
Now, in recent years (all post-undergraduate years), when I am at my most frustrated, I don’t get depressed. It’s like that option has been completely deleted (or drained of it’s energy). Instead, I get really, really angry. From that point, I jump into a hate-filled hibernation, really. Things like, “FINE, if X doesn’t X then X won’t X; I’ll show X to mess with me!” [How I've gone from using formulas in the classroom to formulas for emotions is beyond me right now.]
I pretty sure that psychologists would frown at this defense mechanism (or whatever the term is), but it’s better, in my mind & opinion, than just being depressed and having constant pity parties.
Essentially, to continue my very abstract post here, many people have been added to what I call my Sh*t List. Yeppers. With some, they have officially used up their “last straw” or killed the camel’s back or whatever the stupid metaphors are. The List was fairly empty for a time. Typically, in the summers, I don’t see enough people to be involved in adding to that List. But now, heading into week four of the semester, I have probably 5 or so people on there! Some students (I told one straight up that he was on it the other day when for the third time I had to help him log into eCompanion!), some family members, a sprinkling of friends… it’s a nice mixture, and they are all at different levels of “dislike” right now. I’m sure I’m even on some people’s (student’s & neighbor’s) Lists too, and I’m okay with that. I’m aware of how I can occasionally piss people off. Tough cookies really don’t care.
Do YOU have a List like this one?
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Comments (3)
Holding a grudge is not good. It simply can’t be good for you, and even worse for personal relationships. But turning the rage back into yourself and being depress, seems like a far worse idea.
But you might be right about what the mental health community would say. Depression sells far more pills than anger does. So for the sake of their incomes, I would think they prefer depression.
i need one. there are a few people who really OUGHT to be on that list and for some reason i keep letting them back into my life and the chaos continues. so i guess i sorta have one, i just don’t use it appropriately.
@trunthepaige - I should’ve specified that I’m not holding a grudge (I’d define that as something separate from being pissed off); that seems to signify that my List is constant/same people, and it’s not.
I basically ignore those who tork me off. If I need to confront them, I will, but I just try to steer clear of those on my list. The positive peeps in my life deserve my attention more… the ones on the List have “earned” a vacay from my coolness.
@PhilippiansThree14 - Yea. I have been pissed in the past and then just let it slide (“don’t hold a grudge” needs to be balanced somehow with confrontation) which doesn’t work either.