January 26, 2009
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When confrontation is not allowed, I’m one of “those people” who gets pretty resentful. It’s an ugly trait of mine, I’ll fully admit that.
I can’t just let a lot of things GO.
“Oh, Sybil, just let it go. You’re bigger than that.” I have a right to be mad if I want to. People CHOOSE to piss me off; I CHOOSE anger as my response. It’s not a multiple-choice question with only one answer. There are many responses when someone says/does something that was not deemed appropriate.
“Oh, Sybil, they didn’t mean it. Don’t let it bother you.” If they didn’t mean it, why was it spoken? To hurt my feelings? Yes, in my opinion.
And, sometimes, I think it’s okay to be uber pissed off. So, on this birthday evening of mine, I’m giving myself full permission to just be mad even though that’s not the sole emotion I feel. Whether anyone else thinks I have reason(s) to be mad, that doesn’t matter. It’s my day all about me.
Oddly enough, once I allowed myself to not feel pressure to be around lots of other people (because that’s what one should do on his/her bday), I had a great weekend. The first part didn’t quite go as planned, but after my mini-pity-party, I focused on me. I vented to a friend, went to a movie alone, went out for a drink alone and ended up having some great conversations with people…
Ah… a weekend filled with thoughts that gave birth to other thoughts… I’m exhausted. I need to leave this metaphorical hospital and get some needed rest.
