September 4, 2007
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Starvation.
We starve ourselves, as a people. Perhaps, to be more specific, as a nation. Our need for independence (ingrained in us from Day One?) makes us feel we need to starve ourselves of dependence. I’ve witnessed this occurring in me… my need to be separate from my parents, siblings, and significant other – the want/need/feeling to do things on my own, to make my own path, to not be “a bother” to others when, for example, I have to move couches (thanks again, honey). In fact, after I moved to Wahpeton, I remember my family saying they wouldn’t help me move again (perhaps in jest, but still), and I thought, “Fine, I can do it myself with movers, etc.” Their comments should’ve shook me up, but as independent as I like to be, I took it on as a challenge when, really, I know they’ll help if I break down and ask. But I starve myself of that help and aid because I want to be independent. I starve myself of love in the form of emotion often when I am with my significant other. I don’t want to be “the emotional girlfriend” (and one of my pet peeves is crying) so I starve myself of happy tears when I am with him or sad tears when he has to leave. I starve myself of feeling overwhelmed by how I feel about him so that I don’t hurt later on “if it doesn’t work.” And then we see in the gossipy news that so-and-so has starved herself down to 89lbs. and there are thousands of blogs by anorexic girls who call the disease Ana and think starvation is okay.One would think we were truly a nation of indulgence. But, think about it – why do we indulge anyhow? Because we are starving ourselves of something – connection, emotion, love, community, soul.
Now, this doesn’t pertain to everyone, but in going to my conference in Kalamazoo, I realized how connected other countries are to their community and family… like China, for example, and they are making their way to being the most powerful nation.
{While running, I have the oddest thoughts, and I think this one came from one of my recent morning “runs” (“jogs” may be the better term).}
p.s. The weekend went well. Sure, the Twins didn’t win, but it was a good time… to be overwhelmed by the thousands of people at the Fair, to see the largest boar and cow I’ve ever seen, to chow at a White Castle, to eat fried pickles, to walk around downtown Minneapolis and see the IDS building, to hear stories from Jan about his 4H days, to look at all the different fish in the fishpond, to venture out into lakes country too and visit family (as well as take in the contrast of a lake sky and a downtown sky)… I tried not to starve myself of much this weekend, and it was a great one because of that.
