October 2, 2008
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At least I’ve started to become more aware of my inner critic. That stupid inner voice that brings up everything scary/uncomfortable even in the happiest of situations.
That inner voice that critiques my body when really, if I’m exercising more days a week than I am not, I’m ‘ahead’ of a LOT of people I know. It’s not even really an age thing; it’s more of a motivation thing. I know that exercising decreases my stress and makes me happy; therefore, why not do it? I don’t know a lot of people who exercise daily. Maybe Andrew and his gf who live in the cities.
But back to that inner voice. I found myself last night, after a surprise visit from my boyfriend, overthinking things we had talked about. I simply had to stop myself and say, not aloud, “He came to visit you; focus on that you idiot!” And then I did, and I barely remember my head hitting the pillow. In one of my dreams, he even found me in a furniture store and surprised me with food, but that’s another story.
There was once a quote that I cherished – something about, “If you are thinking negative thoughts, stop.” We may not be able to control a lot in this world… the cost of gas or utilities… our future housing situations, but at least we can control how we deal with everything.
I’ve always referred to life as running hurdles (in conversation or just to myself)… some people come up to the hurdle and falter, blaming others, perhaps, for the hurdle being too tall or whatever. (Later on, they’ll constantly comment on how that one hurdle just ruined them for life.) Some people jump over it, fall down and get back up anyhow, laughing to themselves. Some soar over all of them and these are the people who need to be smacked.
