When the school year winds down, there's really too many feelings that float/flow through me, and they somewhat contradict each other.
... Typically, I feel overwhelmed with what to do with myself over the summer. I make goals related to preparing for the fall, I debate trying to find a "side job" for even more money to pad my accounts for the future, I tell myself that this will be the summer that I really lose some weight or this will be the summer when I go on that cross country road trip or this is the summer that I ___. I get crap from people about having "summers off" all the time; if they did, I wonder if they'd really like it all that much. I mean, I'm teaching English 120 online and my brother's getting married and I'm running the Relay in May after turning in grades, etc. I don't just relax the whole summer away. I'm horrible at relaxing. I'm horrible at doing "nothing" for more than a day.
... So, instead, I overwhelm myself with expectations. I should do this, I should do that... Can anyone see why I LOVE when school starts up again? Because there is a routine to it. There are goals set in stone. There are deadlines. Summers don't have these things set in place; for this antsy girl, that's tough to deal with. And it's not like I want routine all year or deadlines, but I do appreciate them.
... At the end of each year, I am excited to be finished. To wrap up things, because this is one of the few professions where there is an endpoint to a job. Others have deadlines, sure, but that deadline may get extended or the work may come back to them for revision. When the grades are due, the grades are due. There is something wonderful about that, and also something sad. Something ends, for me, every 16-18 weeks. Either the students have learned something or not. It's very little time spent with them, and I may not remember 80% of them as they go on in their lives. Yet, if they hated me or this class, that may live on in their memories longer than their names remain in my head.
... Honestly, with this being our last week of class, I am thrilled to have two classes wrapped up a few weeks ago because I need to train for the Marathon Relay. That is what waits for me even after the grades go into PeopleSoft. And, again, honestly, I'm wondering more and more if I am cut out to run the full marathon by the time I am 33 (an original goal of mine when I started training for the Homecoming 10K).
... I have intellectual & physical demands on me for the next three weeks, essentially. So, I can't get sick. *knock on wood* I can't not run and train. I can't not keep up with grading. I'm heading towards the finish line...

It's all in your head. It's a mental game.
Fairly certain I've hit a plateau with running.
It's a mental funk, or a partial one at least.
I keep getting angry about it because IT USED TO BE FUN.
Or at least, that's how I remember training last fall.
That could be a lie. A part of my own auto-lie-ography.

Meanwhile, intellectually & academically, I am caught up.
Probably shouldn't advertise that, but whatever.
Since I've never been good at procrastination, I think I'll look ahead
to what I'll need to do next week, early this summer, etc.

I've been meaning to put this on here for awhile now.
Buckle up for something controversial, ya'll...
Having anorexia is easier than being a 10K runner.
I know how that sounds, but really... I've had/done both now in my lifetime.
Mentally & physically, both are dangerous. But, in general, anorexia is the easy way out.
How many people run on a daily or weekly basis? What percentage of the population?
And, then, what percentage has an eating disorder?
So, am I tougher for running? Yes, only wimps succumb to starving themselves.
And, oddly enough, no anorexic chick is going to kick my curvy butt.
'Cuz they can't catch me.

Utter Disappointment: Britney Spears' performance on last night's MTV Music Awards. And Sarah Silverman's comedic attempt afterwards was worse - if that's possible.
Utter Exhaustion: Ran almost 5 miles this morning - kind of wanted to throw myself in front of a bus at mile 4.
Utterly Geeky: I'll be attending the Linguistic Circle Conference of Manitoba and ND at the end of the month.
Utterly Too Academic: I'm starting to assign activities that get students connecting back to previous readings that don't seem to have a connection. I've always "lectured" this way ("Hey, remember what we read ____, well this is ____."), but to get THEM to see connections; it's a new way to QUIZ them.
Utter Amazement: This organization craze of mine hit my bedroom closet yesterday. Not only am I going to have an easier time getting dressed, but MAN does one burn calories trying on ump-teen pairs of this and that!

So, if teaching (the load, the preparation, the theory/practice, etc) gets "easier" and "easier," will this whole running thing I am doing? Ugh. I hope so.