I’ve also noticed how annoyed I am with people who have to talk about exercising. Just do it and keep it to yourself. I even caught myself telling my sis about my own last night = “the other day when I was running.” Ew. Who cares? And why do people – and me – feel the need to mention it? Because we want people to say, “Oh, good for you. I’m a fat ass.” My own story about it was connected to goosebumps and to finding something wonderful – even if small – about each day to be grateful for. So, it wasn’t brought up for bragging rights, although who knows what my intentions were or how my sister took the mentioning of it. I know that she’s sick of people at her work bringing up weight loss and points and crap.

Maybe I’m annoyed because I feel that dumb competition vibe creep into me.
They are running more than I am. They are going to beat me. They are better than me.
It’s so dumb. If they are, who cares. Good for them. I’m busy.

Officially, I’ll have P6, P7 (the Shortfolio), and the Final My Words Test to assess next week in both of my English 110 classes. That’s not too bad. Oh, and I will have to look over the project evaluation charts they fill out next Monday, but that is about it. Yeah. Whew. It’s almost the end.

Meanwhile, I’m typically tired on a daily basis. I think everyone is. Just a little. However, today, I’m exhausted. After my workout, I felt like I needed a nap. And I slept all the way from about 11pm to 5:30am. Yeah. Okay, that’s not my typical 7-8 hours, but still. I’ve been feeling that way a lot, even more so after starting to workout more regularly. I could nap right now if it wasn’t for the fact that a) I’m at work, b) I have to teach in 15 min, and c) I just sucked down a 1/4 of a Pepsi Max.

Isn’t a person supposed to feel more energized by exercise? Sometimes, I guess I am, but it’s like sugar. Once it wears off, I want my couch and PJs and fan. It could be that I’m training with long runs. I think shorter, vigorous exercise keep the energy higher longer. But 5+ mile runs? They suck the happiness out of me BECAUSE they are stress relievers; so much so, that I zonk out – when I do take naps after – immediately without “the lists” going through my head. They clear my head and make my body feel pretty good. But once I’m done, I crash. This happened when I was first in cross-country in high school; we trained the month of August with 7am runs and 7pm runs. I slept in between and lost a lot of weight. But I’m not 17 anymore, so why do I still need the sleep? Weird.

Everyone’s body is different. I suppose I have to remember that.

Anyhow, everyone’s assessment schedules are different too. I wanted to remind myself of at least one class’s line-up for next week. Plus, it was a nice way to tie everything I wanted to blog about in one package. With a bow on top.

Isn’t a workout supposed to GIVE you energy? Or something like that…? Don’t get me wrong, it felt good to run and just do something since I’ve been a hibernating bear for almost the last three months (last official workout was in November, I believe?), but I’m pooped. And my lungs hurt. And why does my jaw hurt?

Oddly, when I started my warm-up, I could feel my body wanting to run. That probably sounds blasphemous, but it’s like I wasn’t going fast enough to please my muscles. Weird body.

After ten minutes at an average-fast-walking-pace, I kicked ‘er up a notch and did my interval cardio that I love love love. It gets the heart going, it makes me tired, and it tests my pacing. And it complements the songs on my iPod Shuffle since I have fast songs and slow, thought-provoking ones.

As it turns out, today, I was able to do the same interval paces as I did the last time I worked out. So, that’s gotta be good, right? I guess, really, it hasn’t been THAT long… maybe I shouldn’t be that impressed, but whatever. When I’m super sore tomorrow and have to slowly get up from chairs, I’ll be thinking differently.

Tennis balls, bouncing around in the brain…

Tennis ball #1:
Another oddity I find with marriage came to me last night. So, we’re supposed to want to get married (at least, that’s how girls are raised), yet those who are married (from what I’ve gathered from 70-90% of the married couples I know) don’t advertise it well. It’s sort of how I look at my bug. I wanted a VW bug BADLY when they came out again in ’98. Within the first months of my first teaching job, I saved up money for a down-payment and by Christmas of ’99, I had her. I was elated. For many years after, I still was. However, she has endured her share of crazy problems. The freakin’ air bag light comes on all the time for the passenger side (I’ve started to think that it’s good luck when it comes on), the alternator went out on me, the motor mount, a massive pigeon who smashed up the rear-view mirror on the passenger side, the bike rack got sucked off by a car wash mechanism. Now, when people ask me about my bug (her mileage, the drive, etc.), I am upbeat. I LOVE THAT CAR, but I also don’t advertise the problems I’ve had which is, yes, misleading to a point, but would I have purchased her anyhow? Yes. So, I guess, what I am saying is that those who are married, and want other singles to get married, are doing a crappy job of advertising because they are listing the problems. Sure, I know that problems exist in EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP ON THIS EARTH… friendships too. But, geez, some of them fight in public only months after getting hitched. Some have screamed at me, in the middle of a fight, “Don’t get married!” Yikeys. People have hollered at my sisters & I for fighting openly in public about stupid things, but I’m not supposed to scold couples who do it!? That makes no sense. At least our sisterly fights are funny.

Tennis ball #2:
My summer list. Remember how I wanted to acoomplish a lot of it… yea, ooopsie. I think I blogged about how I accomplished a big chunk of the list early on (the Marathon Relay, sewing, cleaning closet, etc.), so I think I had it in my head that I didn’t have much left. Once again, I didn’t get to my dang pile of Rushdie books this summer. Among other things… when I get back from helping Anne today, I think I’ll have to reassess that list and incoporate some of it into the next two weeks if not this semester (for example, I could read Rushdie on my own if World Lit is a no-go due to low enrollment). Oddly enough, I did the same thing as last summer – spent more time daily working out rather than reading. Sheesh.

When it comes to me and the BFL plan (now that I’ve been back on track for a week after the fun food poisoning incident…):
My Likes: Cardio intervals. Less time working out. Eating more protein. Eating better breakfasts. Getting to still have coffee (speaking of which, I should get that going…). Different recipes (protein pudding, whole wheat blueberry pancakes made with yogurt, protein mix w/soymilk over Shredded Wheat, etc). The ease of snacks (protein bars and shakes). Working out in the morning. Biking on my new Trek.
My Dislikes: Lifting weights (for some reason, it seems like it takes forever compared to the cardio). Eating even when my stomach is upset or bloated (I like to just eat when I can feel hunger about to attack me). Cottage cheese. Dairy issues. Those random BFLers who are uber strict. Planning ahead food-wise and exercise-wise.

I’m a modifier. Always will be. I modify everything. After almost 4weeks trying out BFL, I feel like I can incorporate the cardio intervals everyday into my regular lifestyle, as well as the eating of more protein. I almost think I may lean more towards eating more protein in general (almost Atkins-ish) instead of worrying about taking in six mini-meals a day. I’ve already noticed a change in my stomach (the inside, of course) when I simply have a protein-based snack. My stomach gets upset easily; protein is rarely the culprit, so it works well. I’ve learned that it’s about burning off fat in the morning with cardio, building up those muscles (so everything burns easier and faster) with weight-lifting, and then eating well too. I’ve tried Atkins before (without this sort of exercise plan), and it still worked well.

Alrighty then… breakfast and then the wrapping up of the last assignments in order to “hand in” my summer school grades via PeopleSoft today.

This little “food problem” has caused me to step off the somewhat-BFL-based-plan I was on allowing me to evaluate “it all.” I went on the BFL discussion boards Sunday or yesterday, posting what had happened (hoping for support/sympathy and getting it, of course); I’m appreciative of these strangers’ posts of encouragement and stories, yet some of the posts and messages were that of the “cult” attitude C had mentioned to me earlier. One fellow hardcore BFLer (who I think is pretty cool; he’s given me some recipes) placed a bet that I’d lose $5 from getting food poisoning (not something I care too much about right now, really) but that I shouldn’t let my body get down to “starvation mode” thus causing me to lose muscle, one warned me about losing weight then gaining it back when I returned to normal habits, and while there were more posts that just read, “That sucks! Wishing you a speedy recovery!” I’m focused in on the doom & gloom ones. And having taken this step back too, I see that it can be somewhat cult-like. For instance, I’m still writing down what I’m eating everyday like I’ll flunk a test if I don’t; I’m anxious about getting back in the gym. I even felt a little bad driving the car to campus yesterday even though I had no energy to bike. It occurred to me yesterday that I know what it takes to get my body into shape. I know now that I have the tools to make that happen, so why am I harder on myself now (after putting myself into a more rigid program) than when I was just eating well and biking/walking/running? And there are people on this BFL program, too, who boast that they haven’t had a “Free Day” (of eating) for X amount of weeks. I thought to my-lightheaded-self this morning, “I don’t want to think that much about eating for the rest of my life.” I just don’t.

I’m not going to feel bad that I ate some fries yesterday (they were the first ones in over a month!). I’m not going to feel bad if I miss a mini-meal or if my last meal of the day doesn’t have a certain type of protein in it. I’m not going to feel bad that I detest the taste & texture of cottage cheese. I’m not going to feel bad if I skip weights and do cardio everyday instead.

I over-analyze A LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE. Shouldn’t I be trying to take items off that list, not adding to it?

[I think I'm getting back to normal, mentally... I'm feeling a bit sassy today.]

ESCAPE! Ditching town. It’s supposed to be a hot one. Did my cardio this morning, threw on the swimsuit, and thought, “Well, I might as well be sweaty all day; I’m going to the beach.”
My life is rough.

Foreshadowing. Is my forte.
I told Cheryl that I could see myself skipping the weight-lifting parts of this BFL plan more than the cardio. She heard that others did the opposite. I don’t know what my ‘deal’ is with weights, but they don’t interest me as much as getting on my bike (or hitting the road running) and trying to kill myself with exhaustion. I think I need to change my attitude about them. I can see how the two work together to create muscle & burn fat; I GET IT. Ugh. I always gotta be the weirdo.
That’s why I’m thinking I should almost double-up with my cardio. Like, say, do cardio with weights instead of weights alone on particular days. If I’m more likely to do cardio, I may as well add to that then potentially skip a basic weights day. Cardio + weights > weights alone > missing a session of weights = the line of thought in my melon.

So, not only did I figure out YouTube today, but I joined in on the BFL Tracker site (Body For Life). Now, I feel like that may have been a bad idea since I already feel preached to. I’ll be honest about that. I should’ve mentioned that I’m going to modify this “program” in order to implement the ideas of it for life. I don’t plan to take pics and try to win a challenge. I just want to try something new. Some people take programs like this one so seriously, and that’s not me. Good for them, I say, but I don’t want to go “on” the program only to go “off” of it in 12 weeks.

Plus, I appreciate that Cheryl bought me a used copy of the book; however, much of it is too, um, well, preachy to me. This Bill dude has great tips and ideas and background research. I love my researchers, but the book didn’t need to be as long as it is. Either people are going to eat right and exercise or they aren’t. (I’m already on that ‘wagon.’) Some chapters are full of “trainer talk” in my opinion, and the mantras he mentions saying as you are “pumping iron” are a bit silly to me. I guess it’s the idea that counts, not what you say to yourself when taking your muscles to the next level. Typically, on my bike zooming around town with the wind in front of me and my resistance uber high, I mumble “push!” to myself or something vernacular. I have absolutely no problem pushing myself to extremes; I like to run 5Ks and 10Ks – on average, what’s the percentage of people who do those in their 30s or just after high school in general.

After bombarding Cheryl with questions and having her say that I’m modifying the program (and I was, but she was strict about it when she did it), I have to say, “So what?” Isn’t the main goal of any new health program (considering eating & exercise) to get one to “eat better & workout more”? If one can maintain that throughout his/her life, then he/she is ahead of the game. Whatever I was doing before BFL wasn’t that horrible. Biking everywhere, running when the knees felt up to it, walking a lot too & eating well (less of the fried stuff, no pop, not eating past 7pm, etc)…

It’s kind of like… well, here’s a metaphor (bikes are like lifestyles?). I’ve had many bikes; I like biking very much. I had a Pamida-bike once that was too heavy & didn’t cushion my butt. I’ve had a Cannondale (a gift) that was too expensive; it got stolen. I’ve had a hand-me-down that worked well for a very long time, but then the fat mountain tires needed to be replaced. Now, I have a Trek. I adore it. It wasn’t too expensive, the tires aren’t fat like a mountain bike or skinny like a road bike. The seat may need to be exchanged, but I know I’m going to have this bike for a long while. I feel like I am doing the same thing with my exercise/eating routines… trying to find something that fits me well.

I think I’ve officially done to my body what I’ve done to my brain many times before. Exhausted it beyond belief. I feel like I used to feel after the first week of tennis practice back in the day. Sore, sore, sore. But I’d rather be sore than not sore/not exercising, so… plus, when one is sore, they know they did something to some muscle that hadn’t been done in awhile. If I have to have sore quads and hamstrings for the rest of my life, so be it. Let’s just say interval training is kicking my butt.

And so I go from high intensity out on the bike or on the running paths, to sitting atop my exercise ball on the internet/computer dinking around for too much of the day. I’m starting to feel like I need to take a break from sitting in front of that thing/this thing (even thought that iMac is so cute). I’m addicted to checking my email or getting on Facebook. Daily. I mean, yes, I should check in on my students, but I should be doing summer things too. I should be conducting more blog research. I should be out on my balcony taking in the lovely afternoon w/a book.

I finished the second Chelsea Handler book; I laughed out loud many times. It was the perfect bedtime book; I’d read a chapter or two, and then fall asleep with a smile on my face. Now I need to move on. I’ve been doing better than expected with my reading this summer (in comparison to last)… I’ve gotten through Klosterman’s book, two of Chelsea’s, got back into Ken Bain’s for a chapter, and dabbled in some philosophy books one day. If I could just get into that pile of Deb Tannen books during the day, I could read Rushdie at night. Yes, I have piles of both authors; they are an odd combination, aren’t they? For some reason, though, I feel like reading all sorts of different authors and books this summer. Those Tannen/Rushdie piles will be there forever. I still have a biography about Madonna that I haven’t gotten to or any of those odd books I “stole” from Errol. Huh.

Well, I feel like a trip to the library is in order… and then it’s lunch and reading time for this camper.